A game of chess

Recently, when talking about why God allowed pain in our lives, someone said to me that life was like a game of chess between God and satan. A game that God ALWAYS is one step ahead, and ALWAYS wins, but satan tries none the less to out maneuver God every turn. At first, that analogy made sense to me. I was ok with it. And then.....

I thought about it more and more (because the devil was poking me, and I know this NOW, but I didn't then) It started to eat at me. The idea that I was just a pawn in someone's cruel game. One makes a move to the right, and the other makes a move in the other direction. Then He counters with another good move, and he counters with a backwards move.  Those of you who know me, know that I am very independent, and the idea of being a pawn did not sit well with me at all.  So I was struggling with it, no doubt about it. I mean I know in my head that every move God made with my life was done with the greatest good for me in mind, and I knew that in the end He would win. But why would He allow me to be pushed in a different direction that He had intended? Why would He let someone else have any say? Why would He sit back and watch as satan manipulated me? It really upset me.

But then here's what I realized, God has the path for me already determined, already set out in front of me, already destined.  But I keep allowing satan to lure me off the path. I let LIFE get in my way....studying, kids acting up, business, frustration, sickness, sadness, being too busy, being overwhelmed....you name it, it distracts me. And oh boy does satan knows my hot buttons (better than I do even). He sees how easy it is to whisper one of those little things in my ear, very quietly, so that I CHOOSE to lean his way, and IGNORE the path God has laid before me. Every time I let the devil distract me off course...it's not an evil game of chess between enemies, but in a loving way, God gently guides me back on HIS track.

Satan talks, walks, sounds, looks like an angel....so it's very easy to be misguided by him. HE KNOWS THAT, AND USES IT TO HIS ADVANTAGE! So why don't I recognize his tactics from a mile away? They don't change...you know why? Because they work every stinkin' time! Why would he change?  What has to change? The fact that I LET him get to me. I let him convince me that I'm not enough, or I'm not worthy, or not deserving, or not able, or too old, or too WHATEVER....all he has to do is whisper in my ear, and I listen.  God is sitting there screaming my name, asking me to come the other direction, and all satan does is whisper and I take off on a path that is made solely to steal, kill, and destroy.

Last night in a very intense time of prayer with friends, my chest started to ache during prayer. I mean seriously hurting, to the point of scaring me. And the picture I got in my head of what was going on was crystal clear. (If you watch Once Upon a Time, you will understand this picture) I saw satan with his hand inside my chest, his hand gripped around my heart, and he was desperately trying to pull it out of my chest.  He very easily got his hand in (because I let him through the whispers!) I gave him the right to lay claim to a part of who I am by listening to his junk. But every time he tried to jerk his hand back out of my chest with my heart in his hand, it wouldn't come out. And it hurt! (in that TV show, if someone rips out your heart they control what you do and say, and if they crush it... you die) I kept feeling him tugging violently over and over. I couldn't figure out why it hurt so bad. And as clear as a bell I heard God tell me that every time I felt that pain, it wasn't just satan tugging outwards....it was God pushing it back in. I let satan in, but God is always there, continuing to push him back out. I'm not a pawn, but a beloved daughter of the Most High God.

Even after the prayer was over, and I calmed down, I asked God why does it always have to hurt, why does it have to be pain? And He said to me, if the pain wasn't there, you wouldn't know there was a battle going on at all.