WARNING, WARNING....might be a little bit of a grouchy post for me, so be forewarned. LOL!
Today Dean and I had an appointment with my lawyer to discuss the option of him adopting the girls. We have talked for a while about this. Dean is good to my girls, and loves them so much, he wants to be there for them everyday, and they want him to be their daddy. So we should be able to do that....right? Should be an easy process...right? Should be a happy day....right??
Well in sneaks the devil to steal, kill, and destroy...
It starts with being in the exact same room at the lawyers office where I first sat to tell the most embarrassing story of my life. To have to admit to other people that I was dumb enough to let that awful man treat me that way. I get washed over with the feelings I had that exact day. Sitting at the head of that table just balling my eyes out. I was a mess. This was the morning after I watched my piece of crap husband drug off by two policeman in the middle of the night. I barely slept. Trying to do everything I can to take care of business before I RUN out of town to hide. I had no idea how long he would be kept in jail. I knew his mom was trying to bail him out as quick as she could. In fact, I don't think I told this part of the story....that morning, I called his mom to tell her. I knew his dad had abused her for years, so I thought she would understand. Her reply....she asked if I would help her bail him out. So I flashed right back to that morning of misery. At this point today, I still had my emotions in check though, I was ok, because we were now there for a happy reason. I was trying to focus on that.
BUT THEN....the lawyer proceeds to tells us about how the state protects the father's parental rights.....WHAT IN THE WORLD????? Why should he deserve any rights at all? He choose to try to kill their mother. He choose to only visit the girls ONCE in the last 3 years. He choose to disappear and not be heard from. He choose to not pay his court ordered child support to the point of being in arrears over $20,000 and has a warrant out for his arrest. But now he has rights that have to be protected. This absolutely infuriates me. I just think if a man ever decides to raise his hand to his wife or children, all rights should disappear. I understand there are people who try to misuse the system and stick it to their ex after a divorce...but really? He left and never looked back! I told the lawyer I was concerned that if something ever happened to me, where would my babies go. I asked him if I got hit my a car tomorrow, what would happen? He said that first the state would have custody of the girls, but then John (the ex) would have the right to try to get custody. Not the man who is here every day for them and loves them. So now to try to terminate his parental rights, we have to have him served with papers, and if they can't find him, they have to continue to search for him multiple times. Once the have exhausted all possibilities of serving him the papers, then they will have to place a posting in a local newspaper where he was last known to live, and give him a chance to see it and then respond. Again I say, WHAT IN THE WORLD?? And to top it off, the lawyer needs $1500 to make it happen.
In the process of chatting it up with the lawyer, I mention that I am concerned about stirring the pot with John. What if being served these papers is what throws him over the edge, and causes him to come running back to NC for revenge. So I asked him about checking on the restraining order that had been in place, just in case. He explained that I would need to go to the clerk of court's office to ask them. So off Dean and I go towards the courthouse.
I was still ok at this point, I was happy about the possibility of having a complete Allen family. I wanted to see this finished, but I really wasn't relishing the thought of having to interact with the ex again. For a woman in this situation, every time you think that was the last thing...there's one more thing. A court date, a letter from the office of child support enforcement, a found picture....something that drums up all the nastiness again. I felt bad because I knew that Dean was upset that this had all upset me. It wasn't his fault at all, I just hated revisiting that part of my life. My grampa always called me an ostrich as a kid, I liked to shove my head in the sand and pretend like the world was not happening around me. That's what I have been doing for the last few years. Since he wasn't here, I was able to pretend that he didn't exist, and none of that mess never happened. But that's not the truth, and I know that, but still....
So, another rude awakening moment....we go to the courthouse, and I decide to use the potty before we go to the clerk's office. Seems harmless enough, right? Well, as I go in, my mind flashes to a time when I had zoomed into that bathroom to hide from the man who scared me to death who was walking down the hall towards me on the day of our first court hearing. I knew that he could show up that day, but I didn't really expect him to, I wasn't ready. And then there he was walking right towards me. So into the bathroom I flew.
I shook that off as Dean and I to walk towards the clerks office, to check on the restraining order (just in case...I hate that there has to be a "just in case".) Another place I remembered being on the morning after...sitting there crying with mom as I filled out the paperwork. Eyes so filled with tears that I could barely see to write. Anyways, the lady told me that the restraining order was set to expire on April 13 of this year. But I could petition to renew with "good reason". I had to write on the form that the reason I was worried, and wanted to renew was because I was petitioning to have his parental rights taken away. Oh and by the way...I have to mail him a copy of the form I filled out, AND attend a hearing for said request. Once again I say, WHAT IN THE WORLD????
I was trying so hard to hold in the tears, I didn't want to upset Dean. I DO want to press forward with having him adopt my babies. I really do. I want it with everything in me. But this was a rough day...and it will be a rough process. I just have to focus on the finish line. But today, that was hard to do. The devil is super sneaky. He doesn't come at you where you expect him to, he comes at you when and where you least expect it. I didn't see this day bringing up all these hurts. Understand, I am healed of these things, the wounds aren't fresh, but the happenings of today just brought all the feelings that went with the hurts to the surface for a moment. But it's just a moment.
All that complaining to say....according to the counter today, 453 people have viewed my blog since I started writing. So I am asking all of you, take a moment and pray with us. Pray that we will have the money. Pray that they will be able to find him. Pray that things will go smoothly. Pray that everyone is safe. Pray that I am able to focus on the happy parts of this process not the nastiness of the past. Pray that my girls get to have Dean Allen as their daddy, and truly appreciates how much he loves them. Just pray. Please.
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