On the night of our second date, Dean got very emotional and told me that I was her. At first I didn't understand what he was saying, he had to explain it to me. I was the "her" he had prayed for. I was the "her" that he had asked God for. Dean said that he knew God had someone for him, so every new single woman he came in contact with he asked "is that her God?" All the other single women at our church, he felt a definite no in his spirit from God. But when he inquired about me, he never got a clear answer. We know now that's because the timing wasn't right. But I am Dean's HER. Just as he is my HIM. We still say that to each other all the time.
That night that we admitted that we were in love, we wondered what it would be like for two givers to be together. Because in both of our past relationships, we were the giver opposed to the taker in the marriage. But now, God had paired two givers, what did He have planned for us? How could that work?
As a giver, more times than not you are taken advantage of. So I really didn't know how to respond when someone else was willing to do something for me without expecting something in return. Honestly, some days I still don't. Dean loves me for who I am, not what I can do for him. For many, many, many years the love I received was based on what I had done...whether it was cook a meal, or clean the house, buying a surprise gift, or whatever....the love I received was ALWAYS conditional. To have Dean in my life has changed everything. He is my flesh and blood earthly example of what the Father's love should look like. I didn't know what that was like. I didn't know how that felt. I didn't know how to respond to that.
Because of the "taking" that had occurred over and over in our previous relationships, Dean and I can truly appreciate our love for one another. We enjoy doing things for each other, not because we have to but because we WANT to. He is truly a gift from above for me. He saved me from myself. So why in the world would I ever take that for granted? Why would I not cherish him every day that I am alive? And why would I not thank God every day that He put us together?
Please know, it's not perfect. We still have "intense moments of fellowship" (as Dean says). BUT, we also know that we can talk through anything. We know that all those little things that upset us, are never worth staying anger over. The main difference in our relationship now versus before is that leaving is never an option! I would never even think about that. I will not tear apart something that God put together. I won't ever allow that to happen to us. I am his HER, and he is my HIM!
My broken heart continues to heal more each day because of the love God shows me through Dean. He encourages me and lifts me up. He makes a point every day to tell me that I am loved, I am strong, I am beautiful, and that he is proud of me. I have never experienced that before in my life. It's hard to hear some days, and those are the days that he tells me a hundred times. Some days he even makes me repeat after him!
All I can say is that I am so blessed beyond measure to have a loving, encouraging, God loving, God fearing, amazing husband in my life now. I couldn't imagine my life now without him in it.
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