Not the best idea I've ever had

After I had flexed my woman muscles for a while, proved I could do anything a boy could do...that was when I thought maybe I would try dating. But here's the thing, I wasn't really "looking" for anyone. I was still determined that I didn't NEED anyone.  I wasn't going to be hurt again. I wasn't going to allow it. I wasn't going to put myself in a position like that again. I was determined to be very detached, and stay that way. For the first time in my life I was just going to date. I even tried talking to multiple guys at one time, so that I didn't really get close to anyone.

I even checked out online dating. I wanted someone to talk to, someone who didn't know me (or my story) to think I was interesting. I wanted to be someone different than I had ever been. I tried dating a bad boy, an older guy, a younger guy, a guy with kids, a guy without kids...none of it was right. No matter how much I didn't want to get attached to anyone....I still longed for that. I was made to be a wife, a caretaker, a lover.  I liked having someone to care for, someone to love, someone to lean on. I wanted more.

I truly believed that God didn't plan for me to be alone. Or for my girls to be without a dad for ever.  I didn't want to rush into anything, but I wanted to try to be truly happy one day. I didn't NEED someone to make me happy, but I wanted someone to be happy with.  

But it wasn't quite time just yet.....